


Use as Unintended

by fallendemon



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Other, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, implied super slightly hopefully, its really not shipping but im tagging just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallendemon/pseuds/fallendemon
Summary: Lloyd doesn't understand what's keeping him and Harumi in such an odd act when neither like each other





	Use as Unintended

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2 am and I'm vent projecting

Lloyd felt incredibly cold in the moments after their actions.

No afterglow, no shared warmth. Just a chill that soaked in deep into his bones and core. He took in a breath that shuttered for a second. Deep it expanded his chest until he let it out, falling limp and feeling just as empty as at the start.

 

“I think I like boys.” He shoved his cold, sweating fists back into the sheets that didn’t belong to him. The only response Lloyd received was an almost unamused hum from his side.

“I mean like yeah but….I don’t think I like  _ girls _ .”

The figure next to him didn’t even shift as she let out a dry snort. “Yeah well, I don’t think I like boys.”

Harumi’s words could be taken as snarky and were, as most of the things she did, up to interpretation. But the way she voiced them did not have the inflection of a come back, rather just a statement.

Lloyd sighed. The cold was becoming bothersome and as much as he wanted to pull the sheets and blankets closer to himself, making a safe comfortable home for himself within them, he also wanted to toss them away. He wondered quickly what kept Harumi and himself in this odd play and dance they did together. 

 

He knew half of her reasoning, Harumi’s parents wanted her to have a boyfriend.  _ Expected  _ her to have one. From the few times they had spoken about it, Lloyd knew that they probably would not react well to something else. 

Himself though? He wasn’t sure about his parents. They had always supported him, but he was never sure what could happen. And to be quite truthful, that  **terrified** Lloyd. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle a conversation about it, much less if they had any qualms about it.

 

But again, parents were only half of the situation at hand. Possibly less.

They didn’t have to do any of the physical stuff to keep up the facade. They could just tell everyone that they were dating, swear up and down, then never touch each other instead coming up with another lie as to why. But they didn’t. Instead they did everything that made their stomachs churn and hands shake. And Lloyd had a sinking feeling that that had everything to do with it.

He looked over to Harumi for the first time since they had ended. Her white hair was still sprawled out and he couldn’t tell where she was looking even though he felt like she was watching him. She really looked beautiful. Lloyd looked away and knew this was some kind of self made torture. He didn’t deserve to be happy, not really. From the moment he was brought into this world he was made for others not for himself. Lloyd thought, or perhaps knew, he was to be used and  _ so be it _ . He would be used even if it meant all the cold, and the churning, and the trying to rip himself apart.

 

Realizing this all however made him suddenly feel very sick. His head felt like it was spinning as his common sense kicked in and told him all that was  _ wrong,  _ he was not just some tool, but at the same time his emotions scream back that it was all true. Coughing, Lloyd tried to distract himself from the sudden revelation that he subconsciously thought he was lower than everyone else. He reached out for Harumi’s hand as some kind of anchor back. She took it, giving it a comforting squeeze as if she knew. Even though they both used each other in this self-harming act, it wasn’t like they did not care for one another. Their hands untangled and Lloyd heard the spark of a lighter before feeling warmth not too far. He got up, scrambling slightly, still not fully recovered and tried to gather his stuff.

“Bye Harumi.”

A light puff of smoke was exhaled, following him out. 

“See ya later, Lloyd.”


End file.
